Standing in the Shadow

The HERS Denver Institute has just one more weekend session before we complete the program. This coming weekend, we will focus on charting our futures and mapping our careers. As part of this, we are doing some exercises from the book Career Aspirations & Expeditions: Advancing your Career in Higher Education Administration. A coauthor of the book, Nancy Archer Martin, will be teaching our sessions. In large part the book is very similar to What Color is Your Parachute? with an extreme focus on Higher Education and the path to becoming perhaps a University President or Chancellor. There is an extensive section on negotiating the position and being sure to include such critical items as a spousal stipend. A 1998 survey found that 21% of institutions gave some form of assistance to a president's spouse, including a car allowance, support staff, or salaries. I suspect this percentage has only increased.

With this on my mind, I recently ran into an acquaintance whose spouse has always been a step or three ahead on the Higher Ed career trajectory than she was. He is at the pinnacle of his career and she seemingly has been forced into that role of "wife" and "supporter." Since I spend so much time on my own personal and professional development, I try to imagine how she does not chafe at these roles. How does she do this? Her time is no longer her own. Most days and evenings are filled with "must attend" events. She's made the difficult decision to make her own career path subordinate to her husband's, although she remains successful and productive in her own right. Perhaps she is content to always stand a bit in the shadow. I just don't know. I think all of us have a bit of Hillary Clinton in us wondering when it's going to be our turn to shine. When does she get her turn? Perhaps more importantly, who can she talk to? If her husband talks with her for advice, she now has information that cannot be shared with her peers. How does she handle this? How lonely this must be. Is there anyone in whom she can confide? How does she do this year after year? Perhaps for her, this is all easy and these things never cross her mind. I don't know. I only know how I would feel in her position. Whenever I see her, I always find myself wondering whether there is any way I can make her life easier. Any suggestions?