Work(s) in Progress

A Little Lasik

I had Lasik done this morning at Spivack Lasik. The doctor and clinic were recommended to me by many including my assistant at work. Of course, once my assistant saw the appointment on my calendar, she asked only "what time and where am I picking you up?" Thank you BP.

I had two complete complementary pre-op visits to ensure that I'd be an OK candidate. Even this morning they retested my ability to make sufficient tears as dry eyes are not compatible with great Lasik outcomes. My eyes are still dry even though I take Flax Oil daily - I never had this issue before I started using contact lenses - and the doctor inserted collagen plugs into my tear ducts earlier this week. I'm not sure why doctors (especially my gynecologist) always want to give the play by play..."I am about to touch you now..." but really, stop already, and just do whatever, especially if a foreign object is going where it was not meant to go. Just do it; I really don't want the second by second description.

So for about 15 minutes at the clinic today I'd worried that I'd paid for the surgery and stressed over it  but would not in fact be getting the Lasik done today or ever. Ultimately I was led back to the surgery waiting area - imagine dimmed lights and a ring of lazy boy chairs with people with hair nets, sterile booties and closed eyes. Oh, and hot blankets. There is nothing like a hot blanket while waiting for an unpleasant experience. About 20 minutes prior you have the option to take an Ativan (say yes) before surgery. I had valium in a IV push when my wisdom teeth were taken out.  Ativan was not as potent as valium in dissociating the experience or memory but did help to diminish my anxiety in the moment and had the advantage that I fundamentally still felt like myself.

So Lasik takes maybe 10 minutes, tops.  I was laid flat and still had my warm blanket. I was then offered a stuffed animal. My side of the conversation conveyed that um, I didn't even like dolls as a kid. The nurse conveyed that some folks find it helps, "here" she said as she shoved a stuffed puppy under the blanket with me.  While there is an eyes held open aspect that reminded me too much of A Clockwork Orange (warning image is disturbing), it was over quickly. And the doctor used his hands to hold my head/chin as much as possible. There are two laser zapping sessions per eye: flap creation & correction. And two sessions of the doctor moving the flap - away & back. Zap zap zap OK; forceps near eye.....yiiiieeee! And yes, the dumb stuffed dog under the covers with me was held very tightly. Feel free to send stuffed animals for Christmas, apparently I have a fondness...

Slept for 4 hours post surgery as recommended. Lots of eye drops required over the next 2 weeks, steroids, antibiotics, artificial tears, and even cyclosporin (and why cyclosporin helps tear formation I have NO idea...for organ transplantation I get it, daily on my eyes because they are dry, huh? but OK I will do, for months apparently). And I can now see leaves on trees again. Less than 12 hours post-op and my vision is better, much better. I am hopeful!

And while the surgeon won't be at my 24 hour post-op appointment in the AM, he called me earlier this evening to see if I was OK, or had questions or concerns. Nice touch Dr. Spivack. And apparently, so long as I get a complete annual eye exam, my surgery has a lifetime warranty. Cool.

Short Takes

I think twitter and text messaging are training me to think and communicate in short bursts of thought.

I recently heard a DC journalist say that if you couldn't capture the audience with your story or message in 25 words they would just tune out. I'm not sure what that says about our nation's ability to maintain a meaningful dialog on complex topics.

I'm looking forward to Clay Lowe's book - A thousand bullets gone astray when I can get it in the USA.

I'm wondering when we begin to associate connotations with the images with see. My life was fairly uncensored as a child. And while I now view many images or situations as having a moral (good/bad) connotation, I know that early on that all images were neutral in my brain. Sunny day = Pithed Frog = Crucified Man = Sleeping Puppies. I don't know whether this is because I saw A Clockwork Orange when I was six or whether I was just a late bloomer in terms of developing empathy.

I was supposed to attend the annual GCEC (global consortium of entrepreneurship centers) meeting at Rice. The meeting program looked amazing. I had everything lined up. I'd even pre-printed my boarding pass for my flight. And then I drove myself to the Emergency Room at 2:30AM when I got slammed by the flu. Since I had an annual flu shot, it was perhaps H1N1. My local ER was no longer testing as the test results had no bearing on treatment - (just not cost effective). I'm not sure how this impacts the H1N1 maps you can find online. In my case 4 days of fever, mostly GI symptoms, 2 bags of IV saline and various medications. During the worst of it, I think I slept 36 hours during a 48 hour period. Not fun.

Today is the one year anniversary of the judge signing my divorce decree. It is also the one year anniversary of getting my tubes tied. Two major life changes in one day. No regrets.

Next week, I'm having Lasik  done. My heart is racing just thinking about it. It took me years to even work up the courage to switch from glasses to contact lenses. I did my evaluation visit yesterday (at Spivack) to see if I was a good candidate. Aside from dry eyes (it is Colorado), everything looks good. They have patient "counselors" who help with scheduling, financing and also hand-holding as I heard the doctor tell my counselor in a hushed voice "she is very frightened" as in "hold her hand but close the deal." There are two doctors at this office who do the Lasik surgeries. One is substantially cheaper. I understand wanting generic or discount on prescription drugs or routine doctor visits but on EYE SURGERY?! Give me the rockstar please.

I went to Get Motivated! again this year as I did in 2006. Unlike 2006, I did not attend the entire event. My assistant and I heard Robert Schuller, Laura Bush, Colin Powell (why I bought tickets), Phil Town (I love Rule #1), and Tamara Lowe (one of the founders of Get Motivated). While I remembered that the 2006 event had a "God Bless America" theme and "seemed to use some cult-like techniques to capture the audience" I did not remember all of the "take Jesus as your savior" rhetoric that occurred this year and caused me to leave.

Tamara Lowe has now written a book, Get Motivated!: Overcome Any Obstacle, Achieve Any Goal, and Accelerate Your Success with Motivational DNA, the focus of which she presented. It seemed like a useful tool for determining how to best motivate yourself and others. However, her presentation then veered into the surreal starting with a religious rap. To best share the experience, I will quote a review from Amazon.com " I was then teletransported to another dimension and I'm suddenly at a Christian Convention. A big old Jesus-fest. To the point that she asks us (if we want to to be anything in this world and not go to hell thereafter) to each silently affirm that we each need Jesus in our hearts and need to reconnect with our love for Him. Huh? I check my ticket and it is still proclaiming to be a business seminar. I look at my employee, who is Jewish, and she is staring painstakingly at the floor. I mouth, "I'm SO Sorry" and she gives me an uncomfortable nod. It made me pretty angry that at a business seminar with nationally acclaimed speakers, she would be so presumptive as to assume that the 10,000 people in the room not only agree with her beliefs, but cares what she thinks on the topic. It was a total insult to the professionals who follow other faiths or belief systems and mind their own business about it. No wonder half the world thinks we're arrogant and disrespectful of their religious beliefs." Yeah. What S/he said.

In spite of this, Laura Bush was charming, someone with whom you'd want to have tea or a glass of wine; Colin Powell was as inspiring as I'd remembered; and, I will most likely buy Phil Town's new book which is coming out in March 2010: Payback Time: Eight Steps to Outsmarting the System That Failed You and Getting Your Investments Back on Track.

I'm finally planning my trip to Hawaii. Smiling just thinking about it.

 

Learning some HTML

I finally claimed (acquired) my personal domain name http://www.catherinekunst.com and of course my personal domain branded email address (catherine-AT-catherinekunst.com). There is nothing there yet as I'm still actively reading tutorials on HTML and CSS style sheets. So far, I'm very impressed with the guides available on HTML dog. My goal is to at least get a placeholder up this weekend that is not built on a free or commercial template and is not created with anything other than notepad and a WYSIWYG viewer - and yes I had to google that to even discover what one was.

I registered my domain on FatCow.com because they were currently listed as the best host on hosting review and as a reminder to keep my fitness goals in mind! Moo. So of course I also just downloaded (and started this AM) Turbulence Training Hotzone (not sure how long this link will stay active or free...so get it now). Day 1 workout was definitely fun.

I am not yet certain what I want to put on a static website, but advice and suggestions (especially for tutorials and free tools) are most certainly welcome.

Coming up for air

I never thought the day would come that I felt like I was too busy to blog. I am not exactly certain what happened.

Fitness: I am holding steady at 13x and 23 to 24% (Omron) body fat. My most recent 3 mile run, at sea level, was done in 27 minutes, pretty much my fastest run ever. I can still run a 10K in about an hour. None of this is bad for a geeky 41 year old but I can do better.

Dating: I'd previously tried two free online dating sites (date hookup and plenty of fish) and went silent after my less than optimal experiences. In late spring, I decided to rework my profile, being very clear about what I was looking for, and put it back out there. I met the person who caused me to delete all of my online profiles on fitness singles (a paid site). I was completely and utterly swept off of my feet on May 16; hmm, last post occurring on May 12, could be related. We've been traveling a bit, check my flickr account for the sites we have seen in Carmel, Monterey, Big Sur, Bryce Canyon & Zion National Park.

Random: I keep getting invited to participate in things for which I cannot seem to say no: One last scientific review panel (autoimmune) for DOD; co-chairing a sub-committee on small business development and higher education for the economic development council of the Downtown Denver Partnership; co-chairing a sub-committee on Enterprise programs at the Business School for our annual strategic planning event; co-authoring what may be one of my last pure scientific research papers on work I started back in 2000; continuing on as a scientific collaborator for just a “few” more months; a strategic planning session for my friend's latest non-profit venture (Dani's foundation); and ironically, a few months back I sat on a panel for women in higher education administration about “Making Institutional Service part of YOUR Plan, or How to Say NO and When to Say YES.” I'm not so great at the NO.

Work: On top of those things for which I can't say no, work has been busy. We received 76 entries from across Colorado for our 8th Annual Business Plan Competition. We awarded our winners with a variety of cash and in-kind services from local businesses:

Olomomo Nut Company    1st Place $12,000

The Organic Dish    2nd Place $5,000

VibraLung, Inc.    3rd Place $2,500; Bioscience Award (Fitzsimons Redevelopment Authority& We Work for Health) $5,000; Bioscience Award (CoreLogic) $1,000

Also Energy  Finalist $1,000

Global CaféNation  Finalist $1,000; International Award (CIBER & the Institute for International Business) $1,000; Non-Profit Award (The Ward Family) $1,000

Western States Biopharmaceuticals  Finalist $1,000

Larry Nelson of w3w3.com took many terrific pictures at the awards luncheon for our competition. You can view them here (registration required).

Our finalists received a lot of press:

• Healthy Ideas Under One Roof

• Two Boulder Companies win

• Best of the Bard Center

• Nut Company Wins

• DU students take on the world

The Bard Center and our 2009 business plan winner(s) were also featured on KMGH-TV (ABC) channel 7 news. You can watch the segment here: Small businesses finding room to grow

We're already thinking about our 9th Annual Competition on June 10, 2010.

The founders of the Bard Center, Pamela & Richard Bard, recently co-produced a movie, Homecoming, starring Misha Barton & Jessica Stroup. There was a limited release in Denver at the Starz Film Center on the Auraria campus. I was honored to be able to attend opening night with the producers.

On August 1, Jung Park of Metroboom, the 2004 Business Plan Competition Winner, is hosted his annual Enthuse event, a unique social networking event incorporating fashion, music, dance, fine cuisine, & fundraising. I keep trying to get all of my advisory council members (well at least the men) to become customers. I love his custom shirts & suits.

We renovated our Center to better segregate our academic program from our incubator offices. Our renovated incubator spaceat the Bard Center has only 1 vacant office (320H). Our incubator is open to all early stage Colorado companies. Contact me if you are interested.

Our Bard Entrepreneurship Network (BEN) Meetups have grown up: cocktails & content. Join us August 26 at Elevated Third from 6 to 8PM. This month, Justin Perkins the CEO of Olomomo Nut Company & our 2009 Business Plan competition winner will be there to answer questions & let folks taste his products. Jim Kirchheimer, the Director for Economic Development for the Downtown Denver Partnership (DDP) will be there to talk about the benefits of membership and the resources available at the DDP. RSVP: http://www.meetup.com/Bard-Entrepreneurship-Network-Meetup/

I'm always on the lookout for other opportunities for entrepreneurs in our community.

• Need $100,000 to start your company? The nationally run MillerCoors Urban Entrepreneurship Series is open to 21 to 35 year olds. http://millercoorsmues.com/

• My friend Stephen Miller launched a new clean tech incubator and is helping to bring the Clean Tech Open to Colorado. He gotten some great press: Local Clean Tech Incubator opensmore information at www.cleanlaunch.com

• Finally, biotech companies should consider attending or Consider presenting your company at the 1st Annual Rocky Mountain Life Science Investor Conference

Our business school orientation is going virtual. We’ve recorded a segment promoting the Bard Center which can be previewed below.

It's been a busy summer...

Traveling Companion Needed

I went to the movie Yes Man at Christmas with friends. I do not normally go to movies of this kind, but I enjoyed it and think of it still. I find myself saying "yes" more often to things I intended to do eventually. I'm just doing them sooner. It's all part of my quest for Bliss and my realization that there is only now.

My friend Martha is always the executive director of some health related non-profit. This year it's Dani's Foundation which focuses on Ewing's Sarcoma.

Dani's Foundation recently held a fund raising dinner (video here) with several hundred silent auction items. I started the bidding on four items and 'won' two of them, both on my "to do eventually" list: 1 week at a bed and breakfast in Hawaiiand 3 nights in Napa Valley at the Meritage Resort- complete with airfare, limo tour, and wine train tour.  Side note: it's really a sign of our economy when the opening bid on items such as these are the winners.While there are some blackout dates, I essentially have until March 2010 to go on these journeys. People ask me when I'm going. I am not yet sure. I need to line up a traveling companion. While I can easily chill in Hawaii by myself for a week, I definitely want a wine loving traveling companion for Napa Valley. Let me know if you are interested...

For my birthday I finally got the Kindle 2. I'm currently reading Outlierson it, another book by Malcolm Gladwell. Like one of his prior books, Blink, I am utterly enjoying this book. I cannot overstate how much I am enjoying my Kindle: it's smaller than a trade paperback and with its Leather Cover is much, much sexier.

I did not achieve the 6-pack abs I wanted for my birthday. I have been working out regularly - 5 or 6 times a week. However, for every 350 calories I've been burning off per workout, I've probably been eating an extra 600 or so. So, yes, I'm stronger and faster but also heavier. Oops. For the most part, my clothes are still fitting but I'm up a few pounds that need to be shed to see the muscle underneath. I currently belong to two athletic clubs. I really need to decide which one to stick with going forward.

While I have not been writing much on-line (my offline writing is going strong), this has been an amazingly good month. My friend who had the stroke last fall, is now almost fully recovered and back at work.  To quote a physician friend of mine "Cathy I don't believe in miracles, but A's recovery is a true miracle." Indeed. I went to her welcome back party earlier this month. I've never seen so many delighted people at a work event such as this.

Work has been insanely busy, but in a great way. We opened our annual business plan competition to the entire state of Colorado, not just our University family. So far, we're getting terrific interest from the community. We've been filming our orientation sessions (feel free to watch the first one). If you are a local reader and know someone who is starting a company, please have him or her contact me. Executive summaries are due April 16th so it's not too late to participate. We award more than $100,000 in cash and in-kind awards to the winners. The CEO of one of our incubator companies has been working with me on my presentation skills. He used to do corporate training for public speaking among other things. Since I open each session, I will soon have ample video footage for him to review and critique. This is not exactly fun, but will eventually make me better.

The face is like the penis

Do I have your attention? I know that phrase caught mine today when I read it. I almost spit coffee; and laughed for about 10 minutes.

A friend of mine loaned me Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell. I read it in one sitting. I was utterly mesmerized. I plan to read it again, pausing to digest the more important and insightful passages. I need to add it to my library. The only real question is whether to get the printed book or finally invest in the new and improved Kindle 2: Amazon's New Wireless Reading Device (Latest Generation) and get the electronic version of the book. The future is certain; a loaned copy is not enough.

“The face is like the penis!” (page 210 of the hard cover). In context, and this is very important, I used to feel badly that I did not have a poker face. Now I see this is good, for me and those around me: “Whenever we experience a basic emotion, that emotion is automatically expressed by the muscles of the face. That response may linger on the face for just a fraction of second or be detectable only if electric sensors are attached to the face. But it’s always there. Silvan Tomkins once began a lecture by bellowing, “The face is like the penis!” What he meant was the face has, to a large extent, a mind of its own. …. our involuntary expressive system is in many ways even more important: it is the way we have been equipped by evolution to signal our authentic feelings.” Since being authentic and real is important to me, I really cannot be dismayed anymore that all that feel is written on my face at all times.

My friend had shared a gem from this book with me a few months back. Relationship failure can almost entirely be predicted by evidence of contempt. It may be the single most important sign that a marriage (or any relationship really) is in trouble (or doomed). I’ve pondered this for months and cannot find a single exception in my past. Indeed, looking back, I remember a conversation I had at age 13 or 14 with a friend about love where I wondered whether it could exist for me without respect (the antithesis of contempt). It’s amazing how you can lose these simple insights over time. The four horsemen of relationship doom are: contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling and criticism. I personally have to add disgust, which was listed as an elevated form of contempt. If you’ve hit disgust, really, it’s done. C’est fini. Cut your losses.

There is an entire chapter in Blink dedicated to information overload. The scientist in me cringes at this but more data is not always good or helpful; it can confound your analysis and ruin your interpretations. Actually this is not so surprising to me. I was building my scientific career as all of the –omics became household names: genomics, proteomics, pharmacogenomics, metabolomics, etc. All of us wanted to identify biomarkers for a disease or specific therapeutic group. But more data was not always better, indeed it was almost impossible to analyze in a timely or statistically meaningful fashion. Therefore, I loved the passage in Blink on updating the Cook County ER to effectively triage for myocardial infarction using only a handful of symptoms. More information is not always more helpful. As scientists we call this confounding data, and it can truly muck things up.

Enough writing about Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. I'm going to go read it again. It's that good.

Month 1 Update Goals 2009

Where did January go?

You know that it's been too long when your mom emails to find out why you have not been blogging. 

I have three major goals for 2009- improved fitness, learning Spanish and seeking out bliss.

While I have not been good at writing down my progress, I have been actively pursuing my goals.

Fitness - I joined the new LifeTime Fitness Center in my neighborhood. I have been meeting a friend there about 5 times a week. I have started swimming again. I'm getting stronger and faster. I'm not sure why I'm willing to drive about 10 miles to work out when I've had a membership to a gym about 2 block from my work that I rarely used. I think it's because I've had a friend who has consistently met me there, either mornings or evenings depending what will work for my schedule. Knowing someone is waiting or would be waiting helps me get there.  

I want to see my abs again this year. I'm close. I weighed and measured recently. I estimate I need to lose 5 or 6 measly pounds of fat to reach this goal.

Spanish- I have not made as much progress adding a new language. I did move the first 30 lessons from CD to iPod but that has not helped much.

Bliss - Ah the bliss. I think this must be my real goal for 2009. The bliss is everywhere. It's been a great month. Seeing my friend, who was in a coma for about a month after her stroke last fall, walk a few blocks to enjoy a meal at Chipotle with me. Having her talk about returning to work any day now. Going for my first motorcycle ride to the mountains with a good friend because it was sunny and 70 in January. Getting home before the snow blew in. Getting a massage; a facial; a manicure; a pedicure. Taking my very first ski lesson. Not falling. Sitting on an outdoor deck in the snow looking up on the mountains sharing conversation with a good friend over lunch. Connecting with someone who could become important. Having him cook dinner for me. Watching the people walk by on sunny days sharing conversation over coffee with good friends.

And, I finally have some closure on my home situation. My now ex-husband and I filed for divorce in July and promptly put our house on the market. Our divorce finalized in October. After 6 months, more than 54 showings, a price drop of 12.5% and no offers, my ex and I came to an agreement. Yesterday we met at the bank, transferred money to him and the title on the house to me. I cannot express how relieved I am to know that I can move my belonging out of the garage and into the house; that I can count on the house being locked when I get home; that I can leave the bed unmade from time to time; that I won't get 15 minutes warning to leave for 2 hours on Saturday mornings.

Short Notes

I love reading other people's blogs. I had a few things catch my attention this weekend.

(1) Scott Adams has an interesting post on practice that ended with this sentence. "It makes me wonder if the passion part of our brains will ever be manipulated by drugs so that passionless people get just enough OCD to obsessively practice something until they get good at it."

(2) Kyra has a wonderful post (rant) on health and fitness (and the obesity epidemic in the USA) on a budget which reminded me of Maggie's posts on frugal dieting and fitness. Truly, I can (and often do) spend more on meal than Maggie would spend on a week of healthy eating.

(3) Clay Lowe was interviewed and included in that interview was an amazing poem. I'm going to grab a snippet.

Her dreams have all gone to bed by Clay Lowe

The wind whispers between
raindrops of yesterday’s past
the memory of her last kiss
fades to black

She can see her happiness
stagger out the front door
into the arms of another
perfumed night

Her broken dreams have
all gone to bed haunted by
ghosts of lines left unsaid

...

go read the rest. And be sure to check out Clay's blog. I can't wait for his book to be published in March. I don't even normally like poetry but Clay's poems tend to resonate with me.

(4) I follow Ben Casnocha on Twitter and read his blog regularly. This tweet resonated with me today: "We unconsciously dislike / repel people in whom we see parts of ourselves that we cannot or do not want to accept. (DFW)"

I see this everyday and could not agree more. 

Goals for 2009

Last year, I had only two major goals beyond succeeding at my new professional path: Fitness and Spanish. I can't say that I succeeded at either. 2008 was an incredibly eventful year. While I wish I'd made more progress, I'm not sure that it was actually feasible.

#1. Fitness: holding steady at about 131 pounds and 22% body fat. I can easily run a 5K. This is not great, but at 40, not horrible either. I can and will do better for 2009. Where did my muscle definition go? I can almost see my abs but my back and arm muscles are long gone. On the upside - I can do 5 whole boy push-ups and 1 unassisted pull-up. I'm shooting for at least 10 and 10 this year, and abs. Darnit. It's not that hard; I just need to add some weights to my workouts. Perhaps my first triathlon. Perhaps some running races. I can do better.

#2. Spanish:Utterly lost in the shuffle. Jo no hablo espanol. Sigh. Rewind, repeat. I still have the CDs. I also now have the Apple iPod touch 32 GB (2nd Generation)on which to load said CDs. 2009 will be the year I begin to understand, if not speak the 2nd most common language in Colorado.

#3. Bliss: I learned this past year that life is horribly short and can be taken from us at any moment without warning. I will no longer be deferring opportunities for bliss until tomorrow or next year or next decade. There is only NOW. This year I will redo my scuba certification (I was PADI certified in 1990 but need a refresher) and go on at least one diving adventure. I may get chubby (#1); I may only ever speak English (#2); but my gosh, I will pursue the bliss. Life is short.

p.s. I still love my, no longer new, job! This year will see the ending of my career as a scientist. I keep waiting for the panic attack, the loss of identity, but it has not yet come. I have only relief for the burden and obligation that is about to be lifted.

Merry Christmas

I'm one of those people who sends an annual Christmas letter to family. This is a slightly edited version of the one I sent this year.

December 2008

Dear Friends & Family,

2008 has been an eventful year both personally & professionally. I turned 40 and dove right into my midlife crisis complete with new career, convertible (VW Eos), Caribbean cruise, and divorce.

I’m almost one year into my new job as the Executive Director of the Bard Center for Entrepreneurship. While the job is incredibly different that what I’d imagined, I simply love it. 

I continue to run my Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis research lab on the weekends. People ask me all the time whether I regret my decision to leave science. I think it surprises both me and them that the answer remains no. My former boss at the University of Denver is taking over the project and making it his own. We’ve got about 6 more months to facilitate the transition and I know the work I started is in good hands.

This summer, I asked my husband for a divorce. It’s been as amicable as these things can be. Our divorce finalized in October. He kept the cats. We’re still trying to sell the house. Send me an email if you’d like to stay in touch with him and I will pass on his new contact information.

I went on my very first cruise in August with a bunch of magnificent women that I knew only from the internet. The picture is from the formal dinner. It was a wonderful time with amazing women (Irene, Maggie and Kyra) and their husbands.

 

Wishing you & yours a wonderful holiday season and a Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!